Women with ADHD often don’t look stereotypical.
They look responsible.
Successful.
High-achieving.
Organized — at least on the outside.
But internally?
Racing thoughts.
Emotional overwhelm.
Rejection sensitivity.
Chronic guilt.
Exhaustion from holding everything together.
Girls are socialized differently
They learn to mask.
Instead of bouncing off the walls, they become perfectionistic.
Instead of disrupting class, they overwork.
Instead of being disruptive, they become anxious.
Hormones complicate this picture
Estrogen supports dopamine.
When estrogen drops — before your period, postpartum, perimenopause—ADHD symptoms often worsen.
Maybe It’s Just Anxiety?
Many women come to me convinced they “just have anxiety.”
And yes — anxiety may be present.
But when we treat the ADHD, something shifts.
The internal chaos quiets.
The emotional reactivity softens.
The shame reduces.
If you are high-functioning but internally drowning — that matters.
You are not too sensitive.
You are not dramatic.
You may be untreated.
Author Bio
Shahrzad Shadmani, PMHNP-BC is a board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner providing integrative telehealth psychiatry services in California.
FAQS
What does “coping but it was costing you” mean?
It means the strategies you used to survive stress or emotional pain were helping in the short term—but causing harm in the long run. Coping isn’t always positive; some strategies can become damaging over time.
Why do unhealthy coping habits feel helpful at first?
Because they provide immediate relief. Whether it’s distraction, control, or emotional numbness, these strategies reduce discomfort temporarily—even if they don’t solve the underlying issue.
Why is avoidance such a common coping strategy?
Avoidance reduces stress in the moment, which reinforces the behavior. But over time, it can make problems grow and increase anxiety instead of resolving it.
